Tag: mother

Day 15- Hit a low

So I have missed a few days of posting on here. I haven’t gone back to the bottle !! Phew! I was just really busy with no chance to sit with the laptop & type. The week went fine – it was my husband’s Birthday yesterday & this would usually trigger a drinking session even if it was for me alone but we had a family evening together with no booze.

This morning I woke up feeling lost & low. Saturday would usually be me jumping out of bed with a smile on my face for the day as it was drinking night. This morning I knew I no longer had that to look forward to. I also felt so disappointed that this was how I felt that with a lovely family & nice life that this was the thing that I feel gives me happiness.  The high from not drinking had lowered & maybe reality kicked in that this is how it is going to be that the excitement & anticipation of the drinking at the weekend is gone.What do I have to look forward to? It’s Groundhog Day now. Maybe it’s just how I feel today – I am hoping as time goes on & I get used to this new life I can accept this.

I am lost as what to do today- planning on cleaning the house, do some dance practice, spend time with the family but it doesn’t excite me or fulfill me. Maybe years of this cycle of drinking has ruined my ability to feel properly.

I’ll post tomorrow- maybe it will be a better day xpexels-photo-278312.jpeg

Day 9 & 10

I did it!! I did it!!

A whole sober weekend & I felt okay.  There were a few triggers here & there but I brushed them aside. I actually can’t  believe it was as easy as it was. I thought I might have terrible triggers all day Sunday but no I just got on with the day. It was a family day at home & I was fully present. My husband is being very loving & I can feel a better bound forming.

Today is Monday & I went to work as usual & I was criticized for something I had done on Friday which my boss brought to light to me. I felt disappointed. I am the kind of person that would get anxious about that & carry it with me for the day. I tried to reassure myself it was okay & you learn by your mistakes & even though it was something small my confidence was a little dented. I collected my son from school after work & walking home the thought did come into my head as it does each Monday oh wouldn’t it be nice to drink later & chill on the couch. There it was that inner voice which I thought – that is all it is a voice, it’s not you it’s the drink monster poking at you to drink. I said to myself – no it’s not going to win that silly thought does not control my happiness, even if it is going to be hard it is not going to ruin my life & I went home drink free & got on with my day…..success!!

I feel more productive, in the zone, present & optimistic. I am not fully there yet – maybe I will always have those thoughts to deal with & I hope I can always deal with them. I hope I can just learn to like me & not be afraid of what people think of me.

Let’s keep going !pexels-photo-597657.jpeg