My Journey Begins- Female alcohol dependency

So this is day 5 of my new relationship with alcohol. As of  Friday the 19th of Jan 2018 there will be no more hidden empty bottles hidden in the end of the wardrobe again after a night’s binging on a half bottle of vodka. No more stopping at the off licence after work or picking up a bottle at the supermarket, or walking the dog & stopping in somewhere to buy some booze & trying to hide it when coming back home to drink later in secret.

I am a 37 years old, married & have a 5 year old son. I began secret drinking in a past relationship long before I met my husband. The relationship was toxic &  drank to numb myself I guess not realising I would end up with 13 years later caught in the same habit. My ex never in 6 & a half years knew about my secret drinking but less then 6 months into my relationship with my now husband he had found my empty bottles. Worried sick he didn’t know what to do & I convinced him not to tell anyone & that I will get it under control but he found them again & then again until we just didn’t talk about it anymore. I was so ashamed & the guilt haunted me but I still did it. I loved how alcohol made me feel so chilled so relaxed & the world stopped for those few hours while drunk.

I’ve tried before 9 months ago to stop after breaking down in front of my husband one night & telling him I knew I had a problem & drinking is what I most looked forward to. With his support I went to the doctor spoke things through & after 2 weeks of abstaining I had myself, my husband & even the doctor I was good. I continued to drink secretly. My habit has always been to drink at the weekend & maybe Monday night also just for the kicks. A half bottle of vodka each time- sometimes my husband wouldn’t even know I had any others I would openly have a glass or 2 with more hidden upstairs to take sips from. During the week I would abstain but the highlight of my week was Saturday evening – drinking time.

This is going to be my public diary of my journey into a not so needy relationship with alcohol. I have decided no more drinking in the house only when I socialise. My problem began drinking at home so the drinking at home stops & a new journey begins. No more empty bottles, no more throwing away bottles in the bins on the way to work. Last time I said cold turkey & failed so this is my new approach. I don’t get to socialise much &  if I can handle a few drinks at events, parties etc.. now & then without bingeing I will a very happy lady. So far I feel positive about this but that could all change at any time so I’m hoping this blog will help me stay on track.

Sadie Dee x

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton