I have to say I feel more confident & content this time around than last time I tried to tackle my drinking. I don’t know exactly what it is this time that has made it different. 9 months ago when I went to the doctor about my weekend binge drinking & ahem more during the week which I didn’t mention so much she told me to go booze free until my next visit a week later. I took on the challenge tried to be optimistic & for a few days I felt okay. Saturday came & the 5pm triggers set in. I wanted to do my usual drinking ritual to feel the comfort of the booze like a warm friend. I did it though I didn’t drink & the Sunday I didn’t drink. I thought once I get through trigger time but it was hard, I remember on the Sunday I walked the dog with the intent on buying a bottle of booze but I went home empty handed- I had done it- but was I happy ? No – did I not drink the following weekend? No
Now – this weeknd – this lovely weekend I will have with my husband & son I will not drink & I don’t feel like it’s a chore to try to stop myself. I feel okay about it – in fact I am thinking I will be aware & feel the whole weekend- no blurs & no hangovers. Am I being too optimistic – time will tell- Saturday will tell. I had my last at home binge 6 days ago last Friday so I already got through a weeknd but this is the important one ahead to get through.
The best thing is I have nothing to hide anymore. My relationships can only improve especially with my husband as there are no more secrets no more hiding. The hiding haunted me – the guilt & shame ate me up. If I don’t hide my drinking anymore I will feel free for the first time in years. I spent years & years hiding this part of myself. I felt like such a bad person & that I would have to pay for it in the end. This will be a new life.
It’s 21.14 & I will be retiring to bed soon after a good positive day- please let this continue- I want to live life to the full.
Goodnight
MissD Haze x
Empty Bottles 